Well, it started out something like that. Only in Spanish. Then, I started to wonder if all I’m doing is fueling denial, keeping alive a false positive.
As the Sun washed over my closed eyelids, dissolving third eye into a clean canvas, I felt the warmth fill my chest cavity. Only, I opened my eyes, turned around to face the still, silent and slightly bewildered beasts. All of it a beat too soon.
Ugh!! What a great shot missed. All over again like yesterday’s epic fail to be camera ready since the moment was ready.
I turned around. Take two. Close my eyes. Light, Love, Hope blah blah wash over me. Effort efforting f’ing effort. Ridiculous. Me.
Missing the point. Again. The moment ends. Another takes its place. Even if eyes open a beat too soon and you move on too quick, it is all Perfect. So, trying to do it again. Or being stuck in a moment you can’t get out of – story of my life. Of our watch-the-replay-8 times culture. That’s why players play. Spectators speculate. Players HAVE to move on, live in the moment.
Why can’t I? Why can’t I accept even if Our Moment ended prematurely, it was Perfect? Am I just too needy? Clingy? Ego not in control?? Or do I truly Love You??
Would I have reached a critical mass moment and dumped out of We and not look back but because You did so, I cannot handle It??
I am in Love with You. I am greedy. I don’t want Our Moment to End.
So, I cannot capture that dogs’ moment. I can capture this one. While I cannot correct our choices, I can take up the pen and write your father to let him know how special You are and that though only You know what You want, no matter who You choose as a companion, it will be some body but maybe not Me, He who Loves You above all others and more than any other will. Ever. Siempre.
© MMXIII &iempre™