Sometimes I Lonely Wonder. . .

As I walked the dogs this morning, I looked for You. But, You were nowhere to be felt or seen.

In an unguarded moment, through a narrow shaft in the leafy gaze ahead, a sliver of Light – You arrived to pierce my Heart. Unlike the first time when I only could gaze upon Your radiance, never approach You. This Time You crept in, across the facade of My Home and through a window. This Time. No, not literally today.  Today is merely a reminder as with every  turn of the dial. This Time is Every Time, every Sunrise and Moonset. This Time, the Summer of Our Lives turning to Autumn, ever since You first received me 250 days ago. Yeah. That Time. I wasn’t looking for it. I wasn’t hoping. I was a friend wishing you a Happy New Year. You were a friend receiving and returning my kindness.

Then, You told Me to my astonishment You were Free. I told You So am I. I maybe was disrespectful letting You know how I felt during our school years, thinking You were married still. I definitely was carried away on my poetic fancies of sentiment, perhaps drawing You out of Your shell, drawing You in. But, I don’t know any other way except to express with little hesitation or reserve, without expectation yet a good feeling. Love was – is – Love. Love is genuine. Love was well-received for a Time and it felt good to be needed, to serve, to comfort and protect, to open Your Heart to Love. You deserve Happiness and My Joy comes from helping Another to discover it was always there, in You, waiting to cultivate and grow. I never had plans or presumption only some wonderful feeling of Hope renewed in Me when I was able to confess to You all I had held in so many years. With unparalleled elegance, Your warmth and nurturing Light – You – drew Me in. You came into my Life and I Love You.

Again and Again.  Every day. Now, even in Your receding Light I continually feel You.

The Sun is always with Us even in Dark. You are that Bright. From within.

After all these Years out there somewhere on Your lonely island (or maybe it was my lonely island), You were always with Me, over the horizon or out at sea, just out of sight. Though You departed as quickly as rays of light pass through a garden, You are Yet with Me. Siempre. I know – I have to know You Love Me and Your moving on is what You needed for You just as the Sun and Stars move on their way. It was not causation from some thing I said or did. It shouldn’t be Fear or maybe Your dread. Please don’t be ashamed if it’s looking at Your own Hurt and Possessive fragile ways. I know it is not a lacking of affection. You simply aren’t that way. Love does not evaporate in an unforgiving drought from One as Special as You just because of a weakened, ill and unthoughtful Me expressing inelegant anger. I have to trust it is You overwhelmed with this transition in Your Life and a sudden awareness of how much You didn’t want Me to suffer – even though You assumed, breaking the Four Agreements, that I can’t handle it and I would suffer when the only thing that makes Me suffer is losing You.

If it because You cannot tell Me your  need is merely a warm body with a soft-spoken, muted head, a $ecurity blanket and lodgings for Your weary Heart who will pour You tea and indulgent empathy instead of making You look at Truth, at getting up and making It count every day, then best to let Me go. Only, maybe You could find the strength to admit Your flaws, to tell me so. Then, no matter How I Love You and I do – for all You were, are and can be –  I saw You only as a reflection off a window for a moment’s gaze, a murky refracted Light. I could claim I was  wrong after all this Time to give You my unclenched Heart but knowing how Love works, even in my selfish desire to Thee ascribing Glory I have opened up my Own – a reflection of The Me I wanted to be so even in Your flawed way I have no one to blame.

There is no thing for which to blame. Only Love. However it came to pass in whatever technique We called it forth, it is here to stay and I do have You to thank, Me filled forever more with Gratitude no matter the score – For You in whatever version You truly exist it doesn’t matter any more. You are real to Me. You are Love because I am everything I wished for and gave to You.

Today, as I sit here You are my words to You. I Vibrate with Love and Earnest Hope. I Yet believe in You. I believe in Me. I believe in You & Me, We. &iempre. I say aloud Your Name. I say I Love You. I know those words will ride the wind and find You.

A mi me falta la Inspiracion en los momentos debiles cuando yo te escribo una carta y pienso –

Do I end up in Spam/Junk? Do messages simply get deleted without a read? Without a wonder.

Do You even ever think of We anymore? But I know. You feel. You are real. You feel My warm gaze caress Your face in the early morning light and a soft, moonlit breeze kiss Your cheek, each good night tucking you in to find Me, Pastor de Tus Sueños, esperando para Ti. Siempre.

Te Amo.


You are Once in a Lifetime. Cada dia.

courtesy of


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