I wrote your sister yesterday. First draft. Not sure how long I want to let it go on, how long I need to go on. Not sure what I can say that will make someone stand up for Me, for We, for Love. Feeling doubtful. Needy.
Torn between: letting it ride and knowing, believing You and I are We, meant to Be some day when the timing is right and We have achieved patience proper, trusted in God’s timing, looked inward at only the Self, discovered all that each of us needs to before we proceed together on the golden road to unlimited devotion; and the fear of you in your Temple-turned playground for the rich and sleazy underbelly of dark desire, or a casual simpleton’s trade-off material needs and emotional support for a Papi with a paycheck.
Torn between Faith that You are The One; and the understanding however intellectual that Love is Love and can be procured from any corner of the Universe if One is deeply in Trust with said Universe, understands Our own essential vibrations, puts out into the ether the generic clarion call for Hope, Desire, Strength, Love, Peace and Meaning that will flow back to Us from the Right place.
I continue to know even in the turbulent choppy seas of your stoney silence that You Love Me. I have to Believe this, that I wasn’t some interesting idea or a transaction for my cooking and neat-order-structure to Your insane external chaos, that Love is Love regardless of the $ecurity blanket a Man for a Woman from an old-school culture provides psychologically if not realistically going into the next phase of Our Life.
Robert A. Johnson, M.D., writes in HE: Male Psychology, on the Parsifal legend and the Holy Grail. He cautions not to mix mother in the real, mother complexes interior or exterior, fair maiden and the human wife. I know You are my Human Partner, spouse, Wife. I have never solely placed on your sweet, soft shoulders the burden of being simply my Diorosa, mi Divine Love – I know you for all your frailties, even the ones You deftly spin away from Your Self to make about my tone, my words, my actions not compromising I see clearly how you rebuff the reality that You, in Your weak moment, sought me to fulfill Your emotional neediness and discarded the mirror opposite of what I could ask of You were not Trust involved.
I continue to vibrate with Love, the Eternal Inspirational energy that as I look out to the Ocean’s horizon towards that one place on the map I so often looked through my years in desire and wonder, was You all along on Your Island. I knew then somehow. We have continued to just miss each other until the time was ripe and yet in a fit of fear You fled and retrenched into Your hardened shell.
&till, I believe.
In this moment of Love as The Sun shifts south past You, and the Pendulum at Five o’ something today will dial past the Summer of Our Love, I know You Rider are going to miss Me when I am gone – gonna miss your Baby from rollin’ in Your arms.
But, what are you prepared to do about it? Can you, honestly, simply have the red pill and go back to a sleepy state even after You were presented the Blue ? Don’t You know I am The One? You are the One? Together, Trinity and Neo.
Last night I dreamed I grabbed those delicious hips as You teased and delighted in a loving taunt in front of Me, showing Me La Manzana it’s all its perfection and glory. From behind I pushed You up against a wall. You invited Me in, actually grabbed me and brought Me in Your self. In that moment of heated lust the intense bond I felt coursing through Me was You entering Me, Yo Tu Chocha y Tu Mi Bicho. Anima y Animus. I felt My Self as the penetrated Woman, You My conquering Man. No matter what role internally or externally, physically We are destined to play, Each of Us in our Equinox of Love are in Perfect balance with the Other. Tu y Yo. Nosotros.
I just wish You Would See what We know and let it wash over You. We.