Where do I go to find you?
If You are no longer in constant contact with Me, do You Exist? If I cannot make the tactile, intangible contact with You to which I had grown so accustomed, fed by Your Fire of Love, Inspiration, continual texts, pictures and endless talking across the miles in between our next kiss, caress and cuddle, what do I do now? If I can see You discard all my emails and You don’t click on the You Tube link of my video L(oli)ve Branch, are You also tearing up all my handwritten letters? The final one, throwing in the towel, a long undulating soulful good-bye on August 15th on The Holy Mother’s Ascension, marked a new Spiritual Enlightenment of Just What You Mean to Me. If I cannot locate You voyeuristically on any social media sighting and you are completely out of site, does that mean You no longer Love Me? Are You withdrawn? Depressed? Or, stoic and guarded, fighting on with your briefcase in one hand, your purse in the other, head held high heels, lipstick and an iron-clad will to fight the good fight, only now with no need for My Pillar, My Love, Strength, Courage and Support? Am I only a nice neat, mothballed idea, a nostalgic moment in time? Am I a mere Experience? Are You getting experienced?
The waters I float in today, looking up at the drifting clouds and moving Sun, are a mere 65˚. What is Our Temperature? Do we measure by the fever You put me in whence I helplessly hopelessly willingly fell under Your Spell, when I first tasted You, let you into my DNA, cleansed Me of all others? Do we measure it by Kelvin? Celsius? Fahrenheit? Does Love have its own unique thermometer? Do We?
As I shiver with fear of Your Arctic Heart, I feel the Sun thawing my chest cavity where the ache never dulls. The Lotus seeks Your Air, Water and Light still in spite of the cloud cover Your stormy tempest whipped up. Tropical depression and sweltering barometric pressure bore through all my defenses of Trust, Hope and Will. Yet, I still Breathe. Maybe the Eye is above or maybe some Fairer Trade Wind is blowing, changing my course in a new direction.
Maybe The Third Rail finally Sees clearly that I deserve the 100% full healing vibration of Love that You aspired to but could not fulfill in Your eagerness to please. I feel great empathy and only wish when You said I have given you my Honest Heart, You were Honest enough with Your Self to share that it was a Guarded Honest, an Incomplete and fragile Honest.
And, Yet I believe You have that Good Vibration still to come. Am I, like the enabler, simply convincing my Foolish Heart that I am the One who will make a difference for the Alcoholic, get You to stop drinking from the chalice of trauma, hurt and the Past?
Rod Stewart comes on my iTunes. Country Comforts followed by Reason to Believe. Rock ‘n Roll, Bebe Mia.
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